To Those Whose Thanksgiving Will Never Be The Same

Today, I am reflecting on the holiday season, and am thinking about the many people in our support networks and who are contacting us from the United States whose Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the holiday season will never be the same.  I am also thinking about those in other countries, who once shared similar festive days or weeks with family members.  I believe that all of us have similar moments of reflection. 

In destructive and abusive religious movements like the "Message", many members who were recruited or born into the body of "believers" that leave the group are no longer considered to be friends or family by those still inside.  In most cases, shunning is practiced — whether it be physical or emotional shunning.  Holiday celebrations are no longer the same for most former members because the faces at the table are now different.  Some sit alone at empty tables, wishing to have someone with them to celebrate.  They are not religious groups with an intent to save the lost or rescue "that one lost sheep from the fold"; groups that practice religious and spiritual abuse are designed to build fences around those inside the fold in an attempt to isolate them from reasons to look outside the psychological boundaries.  Unless there is a deep and genuinely good person under that influence, they will behave like the others trained to hurt instead of encouraging their close connections.  The result of this type of abuse is painful for those who did escape, especially during the holidays.

I experience this each and every holiday.  Parents, friends who were close, most of my family, and others who once celebrated with me no longer call or send messages for birthdays, holidays, or even life-changing family events.  This Thanksgiving, I received only two messages wishing my family a happy Thanksgiving.  One was from a person who is still in the religious group, and for that I am thankful.  Like so many others we are working with, though, I have learned over the past nine years to view the holidays much differently.  I've learned to cherish those whose faces are now part of the season, hold fast to good memories of those who no longer connect, and try not to think about those who unduly influenced or continue to influence them into choosing the doctrine of a man over the love of a family.  Sadly, former members who are severed from friends and family must also emotionally disconnect in order to heal.  I am thankful for friends and family who did escape, and thankful that they are now more deeply involved in my life.

If you are struggling this holiday season, know that you are not alone.  We are thinking about each and every one of you, and sending good thoughts and prayers your way.  Holidays may never be the same, but that does not require them to be worse.  New friends and new family, people who are not simply connected by invisible chains of isolationist religion, can create new and even better holiday memories.  This holiday season, we wish each and every one of you better, bigger, happier, and in freedom.

John Collins